So What if it's Pink?

BIRTHDAY

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:03:35 GMT

I had a great birthday! I'm a happy person.

Scott came to visit us Friday night and we got ramen, and there was some rock-banding. Then on Saturday we went to Brooklyn to help some friends move into a new apartment. Holy crap, was it a nice apartment. I makes me really want to move into a bigger place. They also lived on the 5th floor, and there was no elevator. Still, I was able to carry stuff up and down those stairs like, 15 times or more without having to quit. It's amazing how much my body has changed! I used to be bushed after climbing five flights just -one- time. It is such a good feeling to be able to do something you never could before. A bunch of our friends were there, but we arrived first to help. Another good feeling - not being late to stuff.

After moving, we went to see Ponyo (which was an incredibly cute movie), and after that we went to an izakaya for dinner/karaoke. I'd never gone to do karaoke before, mostly because I was too nervous/cynical about it. Turns out it's a lot of fun. Though I was nerve-wracked and my voice cracked all through my own song, it was still pretty fun. Everyone else was very loose about it. We should've taken more pictures, but we got some good ones. And there was food, so I had curry rice and takoyaki, my two favorite izakaya fares. And I drank some. In fact I drank more than I ever really have before, because I knew I might not sing otherwise. >.> It wasn't much, because I know I'm a huge lightweight and I don't want to experience being drunk. I just got to the point where my face was red, my legs were weird and everything was a LOT funnier than usual. But yeah, it was such a good time.

On Sunday, my actual birthday, Scott said bye and drove back to Virginia. Thank you for visiting us, Scott! It was fun. We went out to LI to visit Mom and my family. Mom seems to be doing a little bit better, but she's still not herself. I still got to have some good time with her and my sister though. Jonathan spent most of the day in his room like usual. Elise and Natalie made me pancakes, since I'd asked them for that for my b-day, and we all ate them outside. I got calls from Sandra, Lisa, Adam, and my dad, and I got lots of Facebook messages too. I felt so loved. :D Mom told me that she and dad are banding together to get me a new laptop, which is incredible. I'll finally have a working computer at home again. T-T Natalie said she's gonna get me a bookshelf, which I've been wanting for a long time as well. She's so sweet.

At night, we went to the international buffet to ~~get fat~~ ~~eat ourselves sick~~ have dinner. Then there was cake a while later. I was kidding when I told mom to put 26 candles on, but she did it anyway. AND I BLEW THEM ALL OUT IN ONE GO WITH MY MIGHTY POWERS, JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR. Late at night we watched TV together. I was driven in to work this morning.

26 turned out to be a really awesome birthday. I have great friends and a great family, and a great fiancee. I'm so lucky. Summer's not over yet, we are FINALLY getting a heatwave instead of a coldfront, and life just feels good. Even Monday didn't really get me down. How about that?!

RabuRabu

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:40:58 GMT

So me and Natalie couldn’t afford CTcon this year after Otakon sucked us dry, even though we really wanted to go. But we still wound up having a really good time this weekend.

We spent all of Friday night cooking sweets ~~and getting fat~~. Saturday, we went to Central Park to scope out all of the best places to get married. We are seriously considering the park, since it only costs $25 to get a permit and use a certain spot for a wedding. Someone was even setting up a wedding when we stopped to look at the Cop Cot, lol.

I think we liked the Shakespeare Garden the best. It’s really pretty and should have some decent room, plus it’s right next to Belvedere Castle. The biggest problem I saw with it was that it’s paved with large cobblestones. This makes me worry about women wearing heels. Also, there is very little in the way of sitting room, so guests would have to stand through the ceremony. We’d keep it short, but I don’t want to be inconsiderate. Also, it’s a no-go if it rains. We could always default to the terrace at the end of the Mall or the Cop Cot if it rains, since those each have a roof.

We are starting to look at July/August as a realistic date. Saving for this is going to be very difficult, even at a low/practical budget because the both of us are paid so little. So give me opinions. Would it be horrible and cruel to have an outdoor ceremony in a tree-shaded area of the park on a July/August morning? Are big cobblestones a huge problem for guests in formal attire? Would making guests stand through a short ceremony in the summer also be too inconsiderate? Wedding people (or normal people), let me know.

Anyway, we had a ton of fun in the park. We climbed rocks and explored the wooded areas, watched people boating from high up on a hill, took lots of pictures, practiced dancing, ran through the grass and laid down on it, and saw fireflies. TONS of fireflies! More than I’d ever seen in one place. I’ve always wanted to just be in the middle of a whole cloud of them like that. Unfortunately they were all behind a fence in a protected area, but it was nice to watch them and imagine.

I sound like such a chick.

That night we wound up talking about loyalty and commitment and the future, which is hard to talk about, but I think that we wound up connecting and reaching a better understanding of each other. The next day we just stayed at home and enjoyed each other’s company, and also cleaned. We had another tea/cookie date, which is becoming a tradition. I just felt really good after this weekend. It’s hard to explain. We’ve been through so much, and thinking about all we’ll have to go through is kinda scary. Lots of couples don’t stay together, lots of them lose sight of their romance, etc. And there are things like not being able to have kids that’ll be both mine and hers biologically, or still having the overall disapproval of the country.

But screw all of that. I’m listening when people tell me what mistakes not to make, I’m growing and changing every day. I know that couples don’t just find some “magic” connection that’s so wonderful that they can stay in love effortlessly for the rest of their lives. I know that the couples who stay in love the longest are the ones who work for it, and I will. I’ll keep listening to her and supporting her, and I will do my best to never lose sight of why I devote myself to her. She’ll always have me.

Forgive my mush-fest, but I think I need to put this out there for myself. I feel like our bond’s gotten even stronger over this weekend, and I really want to keep that and hold it close for when times get rough again. You know what I mean? But bleh, one of the things that really sucks about having a good weekend is that the work day can NOT end fast enough.

But yeah, maybe some pics will be up soon-ish. :)

Otakon Report

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 16:31:22 GMT

We’ve been back from Otakon for a couple days now. I’m battling post-vacation depression, so I figure I’ll go ahead and write about my good times.

Thursday

Thursday was hectic at first, getting to the bus and all. Natalie’s family had just left the day before and we’d had a big fiasco over her sister losing her cell phone, which stressed us both out terribly. We managed to finish the costumes after staying up till 4 AM, at long last. Despite the lack of sleep, we got to the bus stop in good time, all four of us. I know that it’s the most boring part, but I really like the bus trip. I like watching the changing landscape as we move south, looking for groundhogs, and just being on my way to a trip with everyone.

We checked into the hotel and then went to Five Guys, and I tried one of their burgers for the first time. Natalie went to make prints while we ate, and we had a great time just being silly. After that we went to our room and dropped off our crap, then headed off to get our badges. Imagine how happy I was to find out that they had Lucky Star OVA badges this year. That’s Lucky Star two years in a row! So after that, I went with Natalie to Artists Alley to put her stuff in the auction. Then we went to the pool. Lisa and James met us there, and we had some awesome hanging out time. Man, it’s been forever since I swam. It was so nice.

Friday

Friday we got into our cosplay, and we were the full main cast of Lucky Star. :) It was so awesome. My sister made the cutest Tsukasa I’ve yet seen, damnit. Both cool and annoying was the fact that we couldn’t move 5 feet without getting our pictures taken. We’re probably in a lot of albums now. That day we finally met Scott (aka Nuke), and went to the dealer’s room together. It was Elise, Jessica, and Scott’s first time in there. I remember what it was like when I first saw how HUGE it was. o__o We met a couple of guys in line, Pietro and Hawk, and Elise and Jessica made good friends with them. I got some stuff that I figured wouldn’t be there from Friday on, but didn’t go overboard (at least not till Sunday). It seemed that almost everything I was after this year was out of print, which was fruuuuustrating.

After that we had lunch, hung out, went to Artists Alley and then the AMV contest, which was pretty cool. Sometimes I wish they’d do AMVs of some series that are older than 2 years once in a while, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t some quality pieces this year. I wound up voting for the K-On! Comedy video for best. We went for ~~overpriced~~ sushi that night, mostly cuz Scott had never had sushi. We took more pics since we were all in cosplay. By the time we got back to the room I sorta just fell unconscious immediately.

Saturday

Saturday we ate breakfast at the hotel café, which had a table that looked a lot like the one at the restaurant booth that the Lucky Star cast often sits at. We got a kick out of that, and so did a few people who stopped to photograph us. At the con we saw Uncle Yo, which we were almost ejected from because there apparently wasn’t enough room. The same thing happened when we went to see Anime’s Craziest Deaths. The line was out of the building to get into that panel and we had the doors closed on us. The panel turned out to be a disaster, and it and its inhuman line exposed some big faults in Otakon’s organization. A lot of Saturday was me failing to do the things I’d planned. I feel selfish for it, but I hope that Natalie doesn’t do the alley next year. I missed out on so much time with her, and I wound up giving up a couple of things that I’d really wanted to do because I was sick of doing stuff without her.

What felt like a failed Saturday was salvaged when Natalie and Elise and I (as Konata, Tsukasa, and Kagami) plus Scott went to the mall and picked out some clothes for the rave. We took some candid photos of Lucky!Shopping. After that we went to the outdoor fountain and took some fun pictures of the three of us. I had a lot of fun doing that. That evening we went out to dinner with Lisa and James and Emily and Rym and all of that big group. I loved it. :D Scott said bye that night, and I was glad we were able to help him have such a good time. Then we went to the rave. This was the first time I didn’t get scared/depressed and wind up running away from the rave or something, and I actually had a good time.

A ~~disturbing~~ funny thing happened earlier that day in the dealer’s room. Natalie was away selling art some more and Elise was in the bathroom, me and Jessica were waiting for her. Out of nowhere this small, Asian Konata cosplayer came running at me, jumped into the air and flew at me, hugged me, put her face on my boob and nuzzled. I didn’t have time to get out more than “AH! WHAT!” before she ran away. I guess I looked sorta traumatized, cuz more than one person asked if I was gonna be okay. Haha. >.> What was weird(er) was that Jessica, Miyuki, was standing right next to me, but she went for me instead. ~~She must have been a believer.~~ The good thing about that experience though, was Natalie’s reaction over the phone when I told her. “NOOOOOOO.” in this grumble-roar. I’m a bad person, but I never get to see her jealous. Of course, that lead her to discuss me as her “territory” on our way to dinner that night.

Sunday

Sunday we went in our Kero-chan and Suppi-chan hoodies, and I spent most of the time shopping for bargains. I managed to find two volumes of out-of-print Yotsuba&!, and almost all of Revolutionary Girl Utena on DVD (I’m only missing one or two now). I also bought some figures and phone straps, and a “90% Tsun” t-shirt at artist’s alley with Kagami on it. Natalie’s Yoko print made it to the live auction and went for $75. Everything of hers in the auction sold, and she made money off of her table. I’m happy for her success. I said bye to Lisa as we left the alley. I won’t get to see her again for a while. :( Elise and I bonded while waiting an eternity on the Starbucks line. I also managed to get Gurren Lagann to Emily to borrow, like I’d been meaning to for all this time. x_x The four of us hung out a little longer before lunch, and then back to the bus. We arrived in NY at around 11:00, and Natalie and I finally got home at around 1:00. I was sad to say goodbye to Elise and Jessica after having been with them for all that time, and also sad to have to go back to normal life. But hey, it was a great experience and I’m so glad that we all went this time. I hope that it can be the four of us from now on.

I feel a little better now just writing about it. I really hate coming back from a vacation, because the time off always seems so short and regular life seems agonizingly monotonous. I have trouble seeing it all in a positive light. I’m glad for the good time though, completely. I met and hung out with so many awesome people, and I hope to hang out some more. I got a lot of stuff, including stuff that I’d been aiming for. I got to do a great cosplay. And I still have NYAF and my birthday and other good times to look forward to.

Elise has already put up all the pics on her facebook, and I might do the same. I’m a little fatter than I’d like to be in a few pictures, so we’ll see. Can anyone recommend a good photo sharing website?

In some bad news, my mom was in a car accident while we were away. I was really upset to find out, but her injuries aren’t nearly as bad as they could have been. Still, she was just recovering from surgery and now she has another few weeks where she won’t be able to do anything physical, and risk getting depressed. Just thinking about that and the fact that such a thing had to happen because some ass-toting idiot couldn’t stop for a red light makes me so angry. My poor mom never deserves these things. I’m going to see her this weekend.

So, thanks if you read that whole entry. You should all know that I do this after every trip by now. :P And if you were one of the people I saw this past weekend, thanks for being so awesome.

BURN THEM ALL

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:16:37 GMT

So people want to know why I hate air conditioning. I’m actually kind of surprised that I got more than one person wondering why.

No I don’t live in Florida, and I don’t live in the south anymore. I live in the north, where our summer temperatures range anywhere from the 70’s to the 90’s. When it’s up there in the 80-90 degree arena, then yeah. Air conditioning is good. But you know what? It isn’t. It hasn’t been. It’s not GOING to be. We’ve had record rainfall this summer and annoyingly low temperatures, with the sun obscured for days at a time and the thermometer barely touching 80 as a possible high once in a while. So Northeast, WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL BLASTING THE AC LIKE IT’S FUCKING 97 DEGREES OUTSIDE?!

My office is a refrigerator. The men here turn all 4 (sometimes 5) of their ACs on as soon as the calendar hits mid-May, and do not turn them off. Their preferred temperature is 69 degrees or lower. Clouds be damned, rain be damned, cold outside world be damned, it’s summer and I’m cold because I say so, and I need my fucking AC because I am a PANSY MAN. HURRR. I spend 7 hours of my day freezing my ass off at my desk and wishing to God that I could be outside in a relatively normal temperature. But I’d better not want to eat out anywhere, unless I’m interested in shivering my way through that too. What’s next? I get on the bus to go home. The AC is blasting so hard that it rivals the sound of the engine. No one on the bus looks particularly comfortable. Ever try asking the driver to turn it down? They outright refuse and claim that they can’t, which is total bullshit. Coming home is my only relief, where the temperature actually remains in the 70’s. Going anywhere means freezing our asses off on the subway too. And the LIRR is just trying to kill people with hypothermia.

Guys, it is not hot out. This is the mildest summer I can remember. Not only that, aren’t we in an energy crisis? Didn’t my office and several other businesses need to crack down on wasteful spending in order to save money? How much money do you think you’re wasting by blasting 4 air conditioners in a house-sized office when it’s 72 degrees and OVERCAST outside?? And what about you MTA? Turn down your fucking AC before you hike our fares again, assholes. And why the hell do we need to be COLD to know that the AC is doing its job?? There –is- such a thing as a balance between hot and cold everyone, come on. You can do it.

I spend nearly all day, every day being cold. It’s summer. I’m supposed to finally enjoy feeling free from the cold before winter comes back and lasts forever again. I am just as uncomfortable indoors now as I am indoors during winter. I feel like I have to carry a jacket everywhere. This is supposed to be the one time of year when I’m able to go around without any jacket! By speaking with the office manager, I’ve managed to get the AC turned off every now and then. And just as I start to feel neutral again, one of the guys stomps in and goes “Hey, ain’t it hot in here guys?” and BLAST goes the fucking AC again. This is not a necessity, this is a dependency. A state-wide dependency. It’s a waste of money and energy, and it’s forcing people to be uncomfortable because we just CAN’T LIVE without our AC. It’s pathetic. Try living in Europe for a month. You’ll all die.

I would much rather go without it and suffer through this “heat” with only a fan at my side, than deal with being cold anymore. I HATE being cold. I am sick and tired to death of being cold. I happily imagine myself tearing through this office and smashing the living shit out of every one of those stupid little wuss machines with a claw hammer, THEN getting back to work. And if you couldn’t tell, yeah they just turned it colder in here.

And that is why I hate AC.

Yay July

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:05:29 GMT

Soooo… I thought this month was going to be busy. Like, ranging from a little busy to just busy. I was wrong. Up till Otakon, it’s going to be INSANE.

We already had the 4th of July, which was so much fun. I got off from work early on Thursday, we spent Friday in Beacon and Saturday at Mom’s house, got to hang out with so many awesome people. And we got to see fireworks on both days, too. This week, we’ve got an anime meetup on Thursday, our anniversary on Friday, and Elise’s party on Saturday. Plus, we need to spend every night working on our cosplay.

But that’s not the best part. Natalie’s family is coming on Saturday night. This was extremely last minute of them, and I am calm and not freaking out. Her dad is staying home thank God, but her mom and all her sisters will be in NYC from July 11th till the 15th…. which is the freaking day before we leave for Otakon. I had this little schedule all written out of how we were going to prepare and Natalie’s family is all HELLO I AM A WRENCH IN YOUR PLANS, ONE THAT MAKES YOUR TUMMY TWIST LIKE A DISHRAG. For the time I’m not at work, I’m going to be helping Natalie play NYC tourguide and trying to show her mom that I am a decent and functional person and not the raving, kitten-eating loser she imagines me to be for some reason.

No seriously it’s not that bad. Right.

I haven’t seen any of them in years, her mother does not know we are engaged (this is intentional), and there’s a lot of accusation and animosity and talking behind my back that I need to have knowledge of while trying to play nice. That doesn’t mean I can’t play nice, it just means that I don’t think I’ll enjoy it. And holy crap I’m afraid I am going to be completely stressed out right up until the stressful task of getting all four of us on the Otakon bus, after which I can finally chill for 5 hours.

Thank God that they’re not coming before our anniversary. I’d better enjoy the time where the two of us can act like an engaged couple while I can. Natalie is very happy that they’re coming and really wants me to take this opportunity to show how cool I am, so I’m glad that this is happening for her sake. At the same time, couldn’t you guys have waited till the end of the month?! Really.

Since we were lent Revolutionary Girl Utena recently, Natalie has completely fallen in love with the show. I am also loving it much; we’re on our second time watching it before we need to return it. I wonder how as fans of ambiguous girls’ love or of anime in general we managed to pass over the series for as long as we did, but on the other hand I’m glad we’re watching it now. And oh yeah, it’s Kagami’s birthday today. Tsukasa’s too. And Tanabata. That’s it for the dork update.

I have a lot to brace myself for but a lot to look forward to. This is part of the reason why I love summer. On that note though, I’ve really been meaning to rant about air conditioning (I HATE AIR CONDITIONING), but that can wait. Hopefully the payoff for having to deal with the stress of Natalie’s family will be a totally awesome Otakon.

At least things don’t suck. And, I’m getting taken out tonight. I’m almost always the one doing the taking out, so yay. <3

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:36:57 GMT

A small trail of stupidity on deviantart (surprise surprise) led me to the profile of a Lucky Star fan who was very obviously a young teen the other day. She had your typical “I’m an internet spaz lol look at me” personality, quotes from the dub on her profile, and iconspam of Konata. You could easily tell that the love for the show came from “OMG KONATA IS JUST LIKE ME CUZ I LIKE ANIMU AND HAET HOMEWORK LOL”, that probably 90% of the show’s anime-related jokes likely ironically flew over her head, and that she thought this was a show for girls who like anime and the truth would put a disillusioned fracture in her delicate anime bubble.

I’ve seen fans like that before. I roll my eyes and move on. The thing that brought me to her in the first place was some little twat trying to instigate me by linking me to her “KonataxKagami is a STUPID PAIRING” stamp. Okay, fine, you can think that way. The thing that really got to me though, is that I got the serious impression from her comments exchange with another idiot that the reason it was a “stupid pairing” was because it was girlxgirl. This was enforced by “YAOI/YURI” blatantly listed in her profile’s dislikes. She and another commenter talked about how people who like the pairing are “trying to ruin a good anime”. I’d really like to know how the activity of the shipping fans can even affect an anime so much as to “ruin” it, but that’s beside the point.

Deviantart has this alleged anti-discrimination policy. I don’t really know how it works, since I’ve seen them cop out on so many instances, but it’s clear enough that they don’t want discriminatory or racist attitudes or artwork on their site.

Let’s pretend, hypothetically, that there was a commonly-used word for artwork featuring Jewish people. (I believe that homosexuality is not a choice, but for argument’s sake I’m making a comparison that features a choice – religion). Let’s say it was called Joof. How do you think people would react to someone who went around stating I HATE JOOF or JOOF SUCKS (Stop laughing, I couldn’t think of a better word.) followed by some angry/violent emoticons in their signature or profile? Do you think that would be generally tolerated by the users or administrators? Don’t you think that would be enough to label someone racist? How do you think people would react if someone said they hated art with black people in it?

I’ve seen numerous journals and statements by homophobic teenagers on DA insulting gay people, talking about them as if they are all one sinful entity to be judged likewise, and of course the obligatory I HATE YURI/YAOI in so many signatures. I’ve never seen –anyone- get in trouble for it. Ever. I can’t help but think that by using the terms yuri and yaoi, they’re masking their homophobia with fandom-speak and getting past the radar. Then again, the radar has never really worked very well. I don’t mean to sound paranoid and I know that some people just don’t like slash because they’re canon purists, but to me, “I hate yuri/yaoi” is interpreted as “I am a closed-minded homophobe”. I’m gay and hetero pairings don’t always float my boat, but I certainly don’t find them so offensive as to make a blanket statement on my feelings for them. I even enjoy quite a few. Same goes for boyxboy.

I guess this is just another reason why I stay away from DA now. Creepy as they are, I think I’d prefer the company of the moe-moe fanboys you find on the forums. At least they understand the show, and understand that the yuri in Lucky Star isn’t even a delusion of the fanbase.

Don’t mind the rant. In other news, I love my fiancée with all of my heart and I always will. She and I have felt even closer lately.

Good stuff

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:36:54 GMT

I think I am getting myself back on track. At least a little.

We went to Mocca this weekend, and before that we went to a meetup at a bar for female comic artists. I spent the weekend pretty surrounded by arts and artists, all working doing the thing that they love, that I used to love, that I want to love again and that I want to love doing for a living. I met a few people who'd graduated from SVA's animation dept., like I had. They had all run into the same trouble of being ill-prepared and burned out, but they had overcome it and gone for comics instead of animation. I hadn't overcome. Was there shame? Yeah, more than an ounce. But I needed it. I kept a strong face and talked with them despite it. And I drew. I drew pretty well. I think if I keep it up, I can start building my art again.

I've played with the idea of a webcomic for years now. I think it would be really helpful for me to go for it. Something simple will have to do for now. I realize that not everyone will go for my happy talking animals, and such a thing might attract the ::ahem:: wrong crowd, but there are anthro comics out there like Ozzie and Millie or Lackadaisy that have a universal appeal, beyond just "furries". I believe I'm capable of that. Also, I love drawing my cartoon animals, and this will be about doing what I love.

Also, the commissions that you guys have given me will be good for forcing me to do artwork toward a deadline and for the money. Here they are in order received, so you guys will know where we stand:

Fernchu: Scuplture commission, design approved and wireframe is being constructed

MJP: Poster, still waiting on an email with detail info.

clown_donkey: K-On! pic, still waiting on info/details.

Other stuff: I put a hold on frivilous spending and put all extra $$ into my savings. The money I've saved up already has re-granted me the confidence that I can still go to Otakon, though it won't be as easy. This also gives me the confidence to save for other things in the future, like a new laptop to replace poor Shiny.

My Japanese Coach for the DS has been gradually teaching me beginner's Japanese. This is a slow start, but it's the realization of another of my dreams. Once I'm through with it (which will be a while from now), I'm going to start looking at classes. I will learn it.

I now have a ton of stuff to look forward to; a lack of which had been feeding my fragile slip into depression. I've made two new friends over the weekend and I WILL keep in touch with them. Natalie and I were invited to Beacon this coming weekend, we're going to see Brooke and Jen the following weekend, Otakon is coming next month and so is a party my sister is throwing for fun. I'm also excited by drawing and by learning Japanese.

I also want to make myself a new Deviantart and maybe a blog elsewhere, and I want to start a website for my art in the future.

I know myself, and I know that I can become complacent and slip out of this good pace just as easily as I slipped into it. Part of my reason for posting this is so that all of my friends can see, and so that I'll hopefully feel too ashamed to batter myself back down to complacency again.

Here's hoping. I've got faith.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:09:34 GMT

If I am slapped with one more financial problem I am going to seriously break down. I'm losing money left and right; this might as well be the last straw.

I'm getting no state tax refund. Even though my accountant AND turbotax both told me I was getting one of over $500, NY State took the liberty of recalculating my taxes, telling me that somehow I'd neglected BOTH through the accountant AND with turbotax's calculator to mention that I was an NYC resident, so now I'm getting nothing and I owe them $70.

That was my Otakon fund.

I should have had a backup plan, but now all I can do is save, beg my father for early birthday money, and sell stuff. As of now I only have $200 saved and that is not enough. That goes on top of a bunch of other financial issues that I don't even want to get into now.

I am never going to not be poor. I just keep making less and having to pay more. I can't do this. I can't do this. That was my only real vacation for the year, I can't give it up. I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do.

Hey, I can draw. If anyone on my flist wants to commission me to draw anything, ANYTHING at all though I'd prefer something not porn for $20, please let me know.

As of now I am extremely, despairingly desperate.

<3

Wed, 20 May 2009 14:17:58 GMT

So I failed royally this morning. I forgot that my metrocard was empty while waiting at the bus stop. I called Natalie and told her, and she came rushing out to let me borrow hers before the bus arrived. I apologized to her over and over again and she was very nice.

Then the bus -didn't- arrive. If it's not at my stop by 8:35, I always head for the express stop so that I can catch the next express bus (the stop by my apartment is a local stop and we get passed all the time). Natalie walked with me for a block, still in her PJs. When we got to the end of the block she told me to jog the rest of the way in case the bus showed up and I had to outrun it to the express stop. No need to tell me, I've had that thing race past my helplessly flailing self in mid-jog on too many occasions.

Sure enough, I was only halfway there when I heard one roaring in the distance. Natalie called me to tell me it was coming, but I couldn't stay on the phone with her because I was making a mad dash. "I'm screwed!" was about all I got in before I told her I'd have to call her back.

It seemed like a miracle that I made it. Even when running as fast as I can, the bus usually gains quickly and beats me to the express stop. But this morning I made it, and I was catching my breath as it pulled up. I was calling Natalie to tell her I'd made it when the bus doors opened, and Natalie stepped off of the bus herself. I didn't have much time beyond being totally surprised and her giving me a hug and telling me to have a nice day before I got on and the bus drove off.

She called me a minute later. The bus was a local bus, so it had stopped at our stop. Natalie had gotten on, pretended she couldn't find her wallet, and stalled the driver long enough to give me time to get to the next stop. Then she got off and went home. She is so sweet and I love her so much. It made me feel so good that she would do something like that just to make sure I get to work on time. Thanks to her, I had a great morning.

Of course, she was pretty quick to boast about how awesome she was while I praised her. Oh well, whatever works. :)

My bus route still sucks ass, but my fiancee is wonderful.

Wed, 13 May 2009 16:59:52 GMT

So DC trip pics are on my Facebook. I'm pretty sure that almost everyone here has access to it, and if you want access then let me know. It was easier to upload them there than on photobucket.

Thanks to you guys who commented on my whiny journal entry earlier this week or who showed up on IM to try and cheer me up. <3 You guys gave some good advice, and I will take it.

Wedding planning has been stepped up a notch (so has my exercising, ouch). We're actually reviewing our options, but we don't have a date set yet. Affording it is going to be a bitch, and I know I can't rely on my father or her family to help us pay for anything.

Still, those of you that know me IRL or are close enough with me online that I might invite you anyway, expect me to IM you every now and then and ask you random questions about your opinion on things we're considering for this-and-that wedding/reception stuff.

To my Friends List - Please read, tell me what you think?

Mon, 11 May 2009 16:58:33 GMT

Each Monday feels more and more unbearble. I know this isn't a good sign. Every Sunday night I find myself thinking over and over, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow". I still don't have a bad job, despite some of the idiotic changes my bosses have implemented lately and despite having to work harder and get paid less (tax issues). But this is still NOT what I want to do. I am becoming increasingly dissatisfied.

I need to draw more. I need to want to draw more.

I find myself wishing I could get away. I love my time off so much, but it never feels like enough. Even the small vacations I've taken have never lasted more than just barely over a weekend. I keep thinking that I'll return from them refreshed, but they just make me wish that they could've lasted longer. I have an urge to travel, which comes along rarely for me since I'm happy in NY.

I know the obvious answer is that I need to get a job doing what I love. That isn't so simple, and it'll take a lot of small steps. But I also really feel like I need some kind of serious break or I'll burn out. I'm so jealous of the strangely large fraction of people I know who are going to Disneyworld this year.

I wanna go somewhere on a train or a bus. I remember how exciting the bus trip to Otakon was last year, or the one this year to DC and seeing Brooke and Jen. I remember that the train ride to Beacon and the road trip to Lisa's wedding was awesome, and staying someplace new and different and getting to celebrate for her was just as awesome. I'm yearning for that again. I still have over 10 days of vacation time I can take. I know Otakon is coming, but again, that's only a weekend. There's also the issue of money. I'm waiting for my tax return, but at the moment I don't have much.

I don't mean to ramble. This is just a little sucky. I'm looking for advice from my friends here. What should I do to make myself happy? Can anyone offer any wisdom?

My sister

Thu, 07 May 2009 01:40:10 GMT

Me (7:34:37 PM): The Maine governor indicated that the people could vote away the right though.
Me (7:34:51 PM): But progress is progress at this point.
Me (7:35:05 PM): Winning rights comes from a string of losses
Elise (7:36:25 PM): omg
Elise (7:36:29 PM): I thought you wrote "string of cheeses"
Elise (7:36:42 PM): But yeah, stay positive! O:

It's good to have someone like this in your life now and then.

Weird Stuff

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:57:38 GMT

Random Jewish girl moment -

So imagine a young woman, trying not to be late and running down the sidewalk, her breakfast hanging from her mouth. How many anime have started like this?

But in this retard's case, it's a huge piece of hard matzah hanging from her mouth. Because it's Passover. Yeah. Then I get on a bus full of Asians who are all trying not to stare at me and wonder "What the hell is that huge cracker falling apart in her mouth?" And I still got to work EARLY, GO ME.

Other weird things I saw recently -

A guy painting a mailbox. Ever wondered if they paint public mailboxes to keep them looking bright? Turns out they do.

Chickens. Caught in traffic yesterday, I looked out the bus window at the cement plant we were slowly passing, and saw three chickens. Two hens and a rooster. Hanging out on the grass outside the plant, pecking at the ground. No one was with them, no sign that anyone had left them there, nothing keeping them restrained. No on even seemed to notice them. Ghost chickens. I thought this was the city.

Then later, a guy sat near me. He had a rectangle-oval shaped stone in his hand, very nicely polished. It had a carving of a landscape and an old man on it. He stared at it for a very long time, and then.... rubbed it on his face. A lot. Rather intensely at some points. Why?

This is mostly stuff I didn't want to forget I saw. I will still have photos later.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:40:45 GMT

I am going to update soon, I promise. I wanted my next update to have DC pictures on it, which I haven't gotten to upload to photobucket yet, so...yeah, stall. I'm not dead or reclusive or anything. Just perfectionist.

I know that nobody really slams their angry fists onto their keys every day upon seeing no update from me anyway, so it's no big deal.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:40:35 GMT

Money troubles again, arraglskfj. Rent increase in June + additional rent charges we didn't know about till now + MTA fare hike of all-time-fuckery in May + new couch that actually COULDN'T be paid for in increments due to a gross misunderstanding = WHERE IS MY MONEY GOING.

I have more than a week till my next paycheck and I'm already almost broke. ._. We both just got slapped with too many sudden charges all at once. And I was starting to do well again, too. I wonder if I'll -ever- get a decent amount into my savings account. Thank God we already bought our bus tickets to DC and we can still see Brooke and Jen. Not that I'll really be able to spend much of anything there.

Also, my computer's battery and AC adapter decided to declare their ultimate love to each other with a double-suicide last night. Goodbye Shiny, dear faithful Shiny who has computed for me for six years now. ;-; A new battery/adapter will cost a whopping $180 (at least). Needless to say, that is out of the question right now. Natalie says I should just save up for a new laptop instead of saving up to save the life of a 6-year old one instead. I guess she's right, but...bleh. Does anyone know a good deal/pay-per-month plan for a new laptop? Recommendations? Natalie managed to back up all of my files for me this time, so no disasters.

Evie caught the mouse last night. Yes I know that there's more than one mouse, we found one dead under our old couch upon moving it. (I thought I was crazy when I smelled mouse corpse a few months ago.) Anyway, she walked into the living room with the thing squirming in her teeth. What a champ. So Kita, not happy until she's shoved her idiot nose into everything, runs at Evie and slams herself into her. Evie drops the mouse who promptly runs, and Evie gives chase. In the end it got away. I was SO angry at that stupid freaking dog. Part of the reason we even GOT a cat was to get rid of that annoying mouse. Every time Evie spots it and moves in, Kita tromps after her, drools and trips all over everything, and scares it away. I kept saying that if Evie ever got a chance to kill the mouse, Kita would fuck it up. And so it came to be. And so Kita got kenneled for the rest of the night.

I'm trying not to be really stressed out. I arranged for vacation time for the two of us this week for relaxation's sake, and here it is approaching - with both of us nearly broke, me down one computer, and final deadlines making these last few days as strained as possible.

In good news, I lost weight.

FAAAAAHGFH.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:58:53 GMT

You know, ANN asked a while back which anime you consider your "comfort food", that you go back to in order to feel warm and happy and better.

Lucky Star is mine. And things haven't always been at their happiest lately, and it's times like this when I really like going back and watching it and feeling sublime for a few fleeting moments.

Now, I want to be a good girl and support Bandai AND Animecastle, especially in this time of economic hardship. I have faithfully bought 5 of 6 DVDs, and even one LE. In fact, I have done much DVD buying on Bandai's behalf over the years because I enjoy the work that they do with my favorite shows.

So why, Bandai, when I could really use a nice pick me up that I've been waiting for for about 2 months, do you cop out on me? It's March 17th. WHERE THE HELL IS LUCKY STAR #6, HUH?! Nearly a year of early releases and now a "Oh sorry, Bandai's been slow in their shipments lately" and a big honking WHO KNOWS about when it'll actually come into the store?! On the LAST disc in the series?? After you cancelled the final LE to save your asses some money, you don't ship the final disc to stores on its schedule release date?! Was that really TOO much to ask, was it??

I mean for god's sake, Natalie and I are already known as "Those Lucky Star girls" because of how often we stop into Animecastle and buy/ask for the discs. That's how dedicated we are and how excitedly I've been looking forward to this last one, but NOOOOOOO, fucking economy this and fucking economy that, just keep waiting while we drag you out in a completely indefinite manner! BUT DON'T DOWNLOAD DOWNLOADING IS BAD IT'S EVIL BUT INCOMPITENCE IS NOT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH.

....okay, tsun is over now. I just needed to get that out of my system.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:40:00 GMT

Things have been a little rough. I'm really worried about my Mom. We visited for her birthday this weekend and I found out a whole lot of crap. She's taken my dad to court for almost entirely neglecting his child support payments and thus knowingly breaking the law. He's been skipping out and postponing the court date, and now he's postponing it so that he can get an attorney. He can afford a lawyer, but can my Mom? Dubious. Could that possibly be because he owes her several thousand dollars and she's in a horrible financial situation? But Mr. "I'm so poor I'm gonna tell the court what a poor doctor I am I can't support my so-called family", he's got it covered.

Bastard. It's starting to look like he might get the upper hand and truly leave my Mom screwed. I didn't call him on his birthday this year. I'm so angry at him. I'd been worried that Mom taking so many days off of work for court would cause her to lose her job too, but that's OK because she already lost it. They're letting her go because she's not an RN and they suddenly realize they need an RN and not an LPN. I was so happy when she got this job, and so was she. It was one that gave her decent work and didn't run her into the ground, for ONCE. Like all those other crappy jobs had finally paid her back with something good. But no. No, God doesn't like my Mom when she's happy.

There are other things, some things I can't talk about. Her father just died. Losing this job means losing her health insurance as well. Now if something medical comes up for her she'll probably just let it manifest some more until it's too late to do anything about it.

I heard her saying that she thinks she's a failure if this is where life has put her now. I tried to tell her otherwise. I can't stand this. I pray for things like an idiot, and sometimes it feels like I'm listened to. But when-EVER I pray for my Mom - I don't feel like nobody's listening. I feel like someone is, but he simply says "NO". It's not fair. This sort of thing happens to her so often, and has for so much of her life it really seems like something has it out for her. She's a good person who gets punished over and over again for doing nothing wrong.

I'm incredibly worried about her. I don't know how Elise's tuition is going to be paid, I don't know how she's even going to keep the house if she can't find work. I don't want to see her fall apart. I don't want her to think she's a failure. I don't want her to suffer anymore. But I'm sure that if I pray for that AGAIN, all I'll get is another big fat "NO".

Writer's Block: Daily Grind

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:40:18 GMT

Nothing much to report; Natalie gave me her cold and it pooped out my weekend a bit. Yesterday I was miiiiserable, today I feel much better. :D I have a new (and doubtless temporary) appreciation for being able to inhale without feeling like I have to sneeze out each functional organ in my head.

Anyway, since Valentine's day sucked and life has been sick and drippy lately (but it's getting better), I figured I'd just do the writers' block thing instead.

Describe your morning routine.

Submitted By its_miley

View 501 Answers

My cell phone's alarm wakes me up at 6:30. Evie hears it and rushes to our futon, rubs all over me and purrs, and tries to eat my necklace. I get up. Natalie and Kita usually sleep through this process. Me and Evie leave the bedroom and I shut the door behind us to let Natalie and the dog sleep.

I feed Evie over by the window. Then I change into my workout clothes and set up DDR, fill my water bottle, etc. I do work out mode until I hit 30 minutes or 200 calories. It usually evens out. I pick up after myself (and the mat MUST BE FOLDED NEATLY) and go take a shower. Then I brush my hair.

I go back into the bedroom to get dressed after showering and to let Evie use the litterbox. Natalie and Kita usually stay asleep for this part too. Then I go back into the living room and make breakfast (almost always cereal). Sometimes I turn on the computer, usually to check my emails/messages. I don't always get to reply to them since I'm getting ready, but I like to see what I've got. Sometimes I'll look at the news or the weather. If I have free time I'll usually start cleaning.

At 8:00 I wake up Natalie and coax her out into the living room. She usually curls up on the couch and goes into this half-sleep state where she looks like she's sleeping, but swears she's awake and fully capable of conversation. (She has a much longer wake up process). Kita usually comes in and curls up on the rug. I talk to Natalie until 8:20, then I throw on my jacket (if it's Winter) and get my work bag, making sure I have everything I need. Often enough Natalie will get up and prepare lunch for me to bring to work. <3 Then we'll say goodbye and I'll go to freeze my ass off at the bus stop.

That's how it goes almost every day. Exciting, isn't it? :D What about you?

Nnnngggh...

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:01:26 GMT

This week has been sorta depressing. I won't get into too much. A lot of the people close to me are either a little depressed or very depressed, and I was feeling a little down myself. That sorta thing sucks.

My DS wallet was stolen on the bus on Monday. It held great sentimental value to me and also had a few games that had hours of progress on them... and I lost my chance to get two very rare legit pokeymanz along with one game. :( I spent WAY too long calling every MTA number I could, being treated very rudely by all but one operator, only to finally get through to the bus depot and have someone tell me that it wasn't turned in and that could only mean it was stolen.

Needless to say my faith in the goodness of people has taken another blow.

A very kind friend of mine traded me one of the pokemon I really wanted to my game, though. How nice that was!

Anyway, moving on from that. Here are pictures from New Year's and Reni's show.

I just had to pick the BLURRY cowman photo. Oh well. This is a cowman on a cowfloat with cow-art because it is the cow-year.

This.... I dunno what it is. I'm not very savvy on Chinese culture or symbols, 'fraid to say. But Natalie wanted photos of it.

There it is again.

That dragon was awesome. You should see the way they moved it.

Well, the lion dances were filmed by us and I still need to figure out how to upload videos (and which ones don't have my retarded voice in them). Expect them later.

Crazy isn't it?

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:10:30 GMT

We had a very fun weekend. Saturday was the day that the city celebrated Chinese New Year, so my area of town was bustling. Main street was shut down for the parade and stuff, which we went to go see in the morning. It was FREEZING, but fun. I got to see a few lion dances, which are by far my favorite thing to watch in these sorts of things. There were also lots of people dressed as cows, and music and a ton of confetti. The feeling in my fingers and toes was gone by the time we decided to leave. x_x

Emily came over to watch it with us. Thanks again Lisa for introducing us! I also invited Elise and Jonathan, who came insanely late and missed the parade. My original plan had been to go see Sandra off in the afternoon, but when my siblings got to our place they brought Mom with them. Mom was going to go upstate to clear things out of her dad's old apartment, but got tired driving Elise and Jonathan over and decided to stay with us. I wanted to stay with Mom and I'm glad I did... she wound up having to drive to the ER later that night. (She's okay though, don't worry).

Anyway, it was OK that they missed the parade because everyone was still there for Natalie to cook Chinese food for everyone. She's such a good cook, I'm lucky to live with her. Everyone really liked her food (which consisted of fried rice, dumplings with homemade sauce, and a very big alteration of an egg foo yong recipe). I pitched in by buying almond cookies. We all had a great time just sitting and talking, and then we watched Kung Fu Panda together. We got belated holiday gifts from Emily. She got us some san-x stickers (yay!) and a mystery box from Kinokuniya. The mystery box contained many things, one of which was a felt eggplant. I never thought I would own a felt eggplant. We also gave her our gift, a figure of Patricia Martin (cuz she's totally an IRL Patty), which she loved.

I worried a lot about Mom through the night, but she turned out to be OK so I was relieved.

Sunday Natalie and I went to a karaoke bar that was hosting Reni, a Japanese cosplay star/singer trying to make an American career by singing Akihabara style in karaoke bars. She won't become famous like that in this country, but she sure had a niche crowd going. She showed up in a very cute maid-ish dress and bunny ears, and sang and danced to a number of anime songs. Her English wasn't too good, but she was still real cute. She was a good singer too. She sang songs like Freckles, Every Heart, and Let Me Be With You. The crowd was pretty tollerable too, except for this one creepy guy whose teeth were going in all directions. I'm pretty sure that 'MOEEEEE' screamed at the top of one's lungs was the only thing in his vocabulary. He was just a little too enthusiastic. He sorta gave off the "I could be a very creepy stalker" vibe.

Anyway we would totally go to see Reni again, and we're going to next month. Anyone else in the area who likes anime stuff, you should also go see. We're also gonna see Sword of the Stranger in theaters this Thursday. I like having things to do. :D

I'm gonna post pictures from the parade and from Reni in my next post.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 15:53:01 GMT

I had takoyaki last night.... and it was so good! I've had it at Kenka before, but for some reason this time it was perfect. Maybe it's because I waited a few minutes and didn't scald my tongue and the inner-workings of my mouth upon first eating one this time. Or maybe it's because they put lots of mayonnaise on it. Oh mayonnaise, you make everything taste wonderful. Except dessert. But that's okay. I enjoyed myself a lot at Kenka last night. It's a good thing, because the shitty service of one waitress nearly ruined our last two visits. The fatass wasn't there this time. I was free to enjoy my fried food.

Naturally, I became violently ill only a few minutes after leaving. I've almost completely cut deep-fried foods out of my diet, and my body was incredibly displeased that I had just shoved so much grease and oil back into it at once. It let me know right away. So Natalie and I camped out at a yogurt place for a while, waiting for it to pass so that I wouldn't have to deal with a potential emergency while riding the subway. She gave me some medicine and eventually I felt better.

I picked up the new issue of Chopsticks NY yesterday, and I saw that Anime Castle made the news. They're having screening nights to try and bring fans together. It sounded like fun, and they're right in our neighborhood, so we're gonna go to the next one. I'm a little afraid that it'll be full of nothing but fat, frighteningly socially-awkward men with the occasional high-strung fujoushi. Those are the only types of people I've seen there so far... but it's worth a shot.

My stomach hurts right now, and this time I'm not sure why. I'm at work too. That sucks.

Oh, and Happy Chinese New Year to everyone.

Wryyyy

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:22:37 GMT

My favorite glass broke yesterday when the dishsoap fell on it.

:'( ::sniffle:: Rest in peace, boo-glass.

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:10:59 GMT

Natalie came back on Friday, and the next two days were condensed awesome. We spent a long time with just the two of us, which we had been sorely needing after all that time. I missed her.

She brought back Wii Fit and a snowboarding game, both of which were fun. Wii Fit weighed me, which I had not been wanting to do for the next two weeks. (Once you start dieting again, you don't see results in your weight until at -least- two weeks after the fact.) Naturally, what it said completely depressed me and I declared that I didn't want to talk to it anymore. Natalie had to coax me back into using it.

Sunday we saw Mama Mia on Broadway. The play was a ton of fun. We were in the very back but we could still see everything. The songs were a blast, the feel-good theme of it all was really uplifting, and the ending was really really fun. One thing happened to really bring it all down for me afterward though.

We asked Elise to come with us for dessert afterward, and she said she'd come. Earlier that week I had asked us if she would meet us a few hours before the play so that we could hang out, and she said that would be good. I made sure to let her know that my main reason for wanting that was to spend time with her and to give Natalie some of the birthday attention that she had lost because of our grandfather's death. The day before I got a text saying she would show up just in time to eat a quick dinner and then run to the theater because "Neither Joe nor I can afford to spend the day in the city". "What the hell is it that you can't afford?" is what I was wondering since she has no homework, no school, and didn't do anything towards preparing to move to her dorm that day... but I didn't ask. The quick dinner was painfully quick, and we hardly had a chance to talk. She spent most of the time at the theater talking to Joe. When we got out I told her she should call Mom, so she did. After that I asked her if she was still coming with us for dessert, and I got her infamous "I don't know". So we walked a few blocks, with me not knowing where the hell we were going or what was planned. After some time I asked again, "What are we doing?"

"I'm going HOME!" She declared in a rather whiny voice. Natalie got pissed, feeling that a multitude of attempts to acknowledge her birthday this year had been stolen from her and that Elise's going back on her word was too inconsiderate to ignore. She refused to go out with only me and made it obvious that she was angry. Elise made sure to walk far ahead of us and spent the whole walk talking to Joe and ignoring us. Natalie said we should just hop on the N train to go home and I conceded. Without stopping, she shouted out "BYE!" and started walking off. I stopped her and asked her what the hell was up with that behavior and she loudly explained how angry she was at Elise. Elise said nothing as I told Natalie to stop it and went to her to say a proper goodbye. It was an awkward goodbye at best, with her leaving as soon as the walk signal came on. That was the last time I would see her before she went back to college.

I was extremely hurt by both her and the way Natalie behaved. I went back to the subway in silence until I explained to Natalie how that had been my last chance to see her and the whole thing had been pretty ruined. Natalie apologized right away and said she hadn't considered how it would all affect me when she was lashing out. I called my Mom, and she said that she had gotten a voicemail from Elise that said she would be going out to dessert with us. This confused me. Elise left that message mere seconds before she gave me the "I don't know" and essentially ditched us for the night. Mom encouraged me to call her. I did, but she didn't pick up so I left a message. I doubt she'll call me back.

I can't help thinking that this all would have been very different if Joe hadn't been there. She probably would have gone with us otherwise. She probably would have actually talked with me otherwise. I wish that my Mom had chosen to go with us instead of Joe. Things would have been so much better. Right now I'm still feeling very hurt over it all, and no, she hasn't called me back.

On the plus side, Natalie was incredibly sweet for the rest of the night. She genuinely felt bad that she'd contributed to making me that sad, and put in a lot of effort to cheering me up.

Overall, the weekend was very nice. Natalie and I got to enjoy each other's company for a long time,and the fun of the play couldn't really be ruined for us. I'm still happy that we had an overall positive experience since she's gotten back.

Judith Holds Down the Fort, part 2

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:28:47 GMT

There was some drama over the weekend. I hate drama. Either way, it led me to have a very sad and lonely Sunday. The day was just kinda wasted. But it's over.

Evie, who is generally affectionate at her own pace and enjoys her fair share of private time, has gotten into the habit of waking me up in the morning by being aggressively affectionate. As soon as my alarm goes off, she rushes to my pillow, starts purring, rubs all over my head, and when I don't get up - she starts chewing on my face. Which hurts. She tries digging at my face with her claws, pulling at my hair with her claws, and bites on my face. She's bitten my (closed) eye twice. I think she may be trying to get me to move out of the way so that she can get to my necklace. She loves chewing on shiny metal, much to my dismay. Either that or she's bored and she really wants me to get up. I know she's not hungry. I try to make sure her dish has food in it constantly, and there's usually some left in there when I first wake up. Either way, she's effectively eliminating any chance of my hitting the snooze button. I should get up at the first ring anyway. I hope she grows out of this.

I bought her a cat dancer yesterday, so she'll have something to play with when I'm too busy to play with her. She was very cute with it.

My dieting is going well. I forgot that you aren't supposed to look at your weight for the first two weeks once you start dieting because the results won't show, and I nearly depressed myself. But it's ok, you're not supposed to really go by the numbers on the scale unless you want to drive yourself up a wall.

I'm ashamed to say that one of the goals that motivates me is cosplay. I figure that as a 25 year old who still looks barely 20, I still have a few cosplay years left and I want to experience them as a normal-sized person. Going last summer and not feeling fat in costume was great. But don't get me wrong, its lasting effect on the rest of my life is the real motivation here.

I guess that's one good thing about looking younger than I really am. People say that I'll be happy for it when I'm older. I just sorta dislike the "Are you legal?" bullshit on the rare occasion that I get a drink. I've been legal for four years. Oh well, at least Natalie's even worse off.

Natalie comes home the day after tomorrow. I can't wait to see her again. I'm gonna show her how clean I made our place, how my diet's paid off, and... whatever else. Yeah.

Judith holds down the fort - week 1

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:47:00 GMT

I bought so many apples this week! I always forget about how much I love their taste. It's nice to get a reminder. I'm making an apple cake tonight. Wish me luck, I'm on my own in the kitchen for now.

Well the funeral is over. Obviously. It was very sad, but it wasn't as awful an experience as I thought it would be. I felt like I got a little peace from it myself. I never really liked my grandfather. He always disliked me because I wasn't a "proper lady" who wore frilly dresses and makeup and such, because I was sensitive at a young age, and because of a bunch of stuff he made up about me. When I was a kid he told me I was responsible for all the bad things in my Mom's life, and then looked down on me for crying when I believed him. He would take my Mom or brother aside to tell them what a bad, selfish person I was. (Mom defended me of course). He would insult me, and my siblings, unnecessarily at every visit and never acknowledged what good we did. I hated him. Mom defended all the good things he did in life though and reminded us all what a hard life he had had that contributed to the way he was. She also thanked him for teaching her how important family is, and told us that the last time she saw him she had sat down and talked about us. She told him we (particularly me and my sister) were good, loyal children who work hard for her and love her, despite the fact that we can be unconventional. She said that he actually seemed to listen to her that time. I never got to see him again, but when the priest spoke about forgiveness during the funeral, I felt something inside me forgive him. I'm starting to learn the benefits of forgiveness.

My Mom was so sad about all this though. I think the image of her face weeping at his grave site will be burned into my memory forever. I never want to see her that pained again. I'm glad it's over, but she still has a rough road.

ANYWAY, I've been on my own for the week while Natalie visits home. That means I've had so much time to CLEAN. The living room looks inhabitable again, and once I sweep and dust the bedroom it will also be nice. I also rearranged our table and washed the dog. She was filthy. Speaking of filthy, my GOD can that cat drop a bomb. She's got the stinkiest crap I've ever smelled, and I have smelled a LOT of animal crap let me tell you. I'm always ready to rush in with a scoop and a bag the moment she steps out of the litterbox. She's great though. She greets me when I come home and nuzzles my face when I pick her up. She also sleeps in bed with me at night. It helps to ease the loneliness. I'm glad I have the pets here.

I've made two (very small) cooking attempts so far. I successfully baked an apple. It was lovely. I failed at roasting chestnuts. How the hell do you fail at that?! I don't know. I suck.

I'm also using this time to kickstart myself back into a diet again. Natalie is great at inspiring me to start, but when she's home I get too distracted to exercise and I use her as an excuse to eat bad foods sometimes ("Well, if you're having it...") Last Winter, I got a lot done with my diet while she was gone and it stuck with me for months afterward. I'm hoping for the same this time. I'm off to a good start. I even did two 1000 calorie days this week. (It's safe, don't worry). Also, since Natalie's not here to cook all I've eaten are lean cuisine meals and soup. I can do this. Totally gonna get rid of 20 more pounds.

Aaaand I've been watching a lot of anime. I just finished Kannagi (it was ok) and caught up with Toradora (it was AWESOME). I'm also rewatching Spice and Wolf because I freaking love that show. I'm finishing up Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei because I really freaking love that show. It's so funny and so wrong and so right and so crazy with just enough sanity in there to hold things together for me. And I get a kick out of its numerous Lucky Star references. Anime-Bob Ross painting Konata, is there anything more epic?

I know that I'm alone in my sentiments in the paragraph above. No one else will watch that show with me. >.> (Natalie will but she's slow.) But I joined the community today. Huzzah.

See? I'm fine. I can totally handle this crap.