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06 June 2010 @ 10:06 am
I feel like writing again. Therapy told me I should update any blog/journal I have more often, since I need new outlets for expressing my oh-so-powerful feelings of elation, sorrow, uncontrollable rage and the like.

This weekend had me house-sitting for a couple of days. Mom and Elise are on their annual Florida trip, and Mom thought that there was too good a chance that Jonathan would not feed the pets, so I was called in to watch them. This upset Jonathan, who saw it as his "chance" to prove how responsible he can be, and Mom was threatened with more of his destructive attitude if she didn't find a compromise. So here I am at home again! Jonathan actually came back to the house last night, did all his dishes, took care of the animals, and was surprisingly mature. I shall give him the benefit of the doubt for the rest of the weekend, then.

I'm still very happy with Natalie. She was a jerk momentarily over art frustration yesterday, but all the rest of the day surely makes up for it. Last night she randomly cuddled me, and did it so nicely that I fell asleep and missed the movie we were watching. We also went to a bookstore (I love bookstores!) together. There was a big fountain outside of it (I love fountains!), the type with leaping streams of water, cascades, and other pretty things. I hopped up on the concrete edges of it and started walking the perimeter. Natalie took it one step further by following the concrete into the fountain itself and walking around one of the waterfalls, getting her feet wet. Naturally, I followed and we had a blast. Of course, we two adults were leading by example, being stared at by several small children who assuredly sat there contemplating getting up and mimicking us once we left. I gave her a little twirl before we walked off. It was fun.

The bookstore was having a sale on classic literature, which made me clap my girly little hands together a few times. Natalie bought the complete Sherlock Holmes and I bought the Count of Monte Cristo and The Scarlet Pimpernel. I also surprised her by getting her a Stephen Colbert tote bag that I'd called ahead and reserved for her, sly dog that I am. Though our activity level was rather low, yesterday kicked a lot of ass.

Sometimes I still worry about the possibility of us going downhill again. The sense that things are going too well will sometimes bring up a sense of foreboding for me - but that pisses me off, because people who get sad over good things happening to them piss me off, so I should chill out over it.

I really want to drive somewhere again. Traveling is so thrilling, even driving to the theater in New Haven was awesome. I also really want to hike with Rym and Emily again like we did last year. Weak quadriceps be damned to hell, even if I'm trailing at the back of the group this time I'll love every minute of it, I swear it. :)
Current Mood: excitedexcited
01 June 2010 @ 03:00 am
I just had a great weekend. I want to write about it.

I got to see Lisa again this past Saturday. I haven't seen her in ages, and she was up for a visit for Memorial Day and Natalie drove me to see her on LI. We walked to the old duck pond that I used to go to every day when I was a kid and walked through the woods. After that we hung out at Lisa's house for a while, and then drove into Queens to meet Emily, Rym, and Scott and we all had dinner/fancy tea. Lisa was a ton of fun as usual. I'm so so glad I got to see her again.

On Sunday we got to hang out with our friends again, and then again on Monday. We had dim sum here in Flushing and oh man, Natalie found this amazing place with wonderful food and low prices and I love her. I just had such a good time and I'm really happy. I'm really losing my shyness, finally. I feel really great after this weekend. We ended it all by getting off of the subway at Shea and walking home through Flushing Meadows park, just the two of us.

Natalie and I have been having a lot of problems as of late, but I didn't want to really record it here. I originally kept this LJ to look back on memories, and bad memories stick with me on their own just fine. But what I -did- want to say was that things between us have highly improved over the past week. We took a suggestion from our therapist that's worked fantastically well so far, and getting to be social again is another thing that really brings out our appreciation for each other. She's been so sweet lately, especially today, and she's bright and caring and cute and I love her so much. <3 It's unrealistic to say "all better" and stop trying now, but I'm happy just to have made this much progress. It feels good to finally be crawling out of a dark place.

I guess that's what I really want to record. This was such a fun weekend, I only wish I'd brought the camera everywhere. I'm really glad to be happy again and I want to keep it that way. Right now Natalie is working on a picture that we're collaborating on, and it looks beautiful. I love you honey!
Current Mood: contentcontent
20 January 2010 @ 09:19 am
I'm wanting to do some DDR in the morning, but I woke up with a stomach ache and I'm currently waiting for it to go away. So why not update my LJ?

I haven't animated my own film since college. Even that film, though it was a big project, held little personal importance to me. That's probably the biggest reason why I think it sucked so much. I blame that on the fact that I have an incredibly difficult time having good original ideas. I can't make myself have good ideas, like some people can. Every time I try, it's forced bullshit that I stop caring about very quickly. Good ideas need to come to me, and it seems they rarely do.

I really envy people like Natalie, who are just these idea fountains. A new thing can come to them just from looking at a littered alleyway, and they can run with it. I really want to write and bring to life something that actually means something to me. Something that tells a story that I care about, that won't feel contrived and cold after a few days of working. It's really frustrating. I feel like I have to wait for a moment of inspiration to come rather than just deciding that I want to do a film someday and then knowing what it will be. Sure, I have a few notions of things that are important to me, that I like. I like ideas of loyalty and stories that portray it, I like drawing animals as characters, etc. I just don't know how to make that into something coherent, something that meets my standards.

I both love and hate when someone tells me this great idea they had for a story. On one hand, I think it's really cool and I love hearing new ideas like that. On the other, I'm still going "I wish I could come up with something like that!" Am I just not a creative artist? I don't feel creative. You can't force creativity to come to you, can you? Oh man, I'd better stop before I get down on myself. There's gotta be something I can do. Back in high school I came up with ideas like crazy. I'm not incapable. I'm just not sure how to find inspiration again.
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
18 January 2010 @ 09:45 am
So I know I kinda totally ditched LJ for a while... I lost my job a few months ago (as most of you who know me already know), and life went into the tubes. I knew blogging about it would just fill the internet with more emo bullshit, plus my LJ subscription ended, so I had no reason to post regularly and forgot. Bleh.

But I'm back on my feet now. Lots of things in my life have changed, and it would take forever to log them all here. Most changes have been good. Losing my job was devastating at first, but it was sort of a blessing in disguise. I'm happier now, even though I'm not pulling in a lot of money anymore.

The weight loss adventure nearly went up in flames thanks to the worry and depression that followed becoming jobless. Even though I got back on the wagon, the last time I weighed myself I became so unhappy that I actually threw a fit over it. Natalie was there, she can tell you. But she'd better not. (It turned out that some of the insane amount of extra weight I was seeing was from excess sodium I'd eaten the day before, as well as possible other external and internal factors that made it seem like I'd suddenly gained an impossible amount in a short time.)

I hate scales.

SO I'm not weighing myself again for AT LEAST a month and I'm taking my weight loss stuff seriously again. I've been exercising every day since around Christmas, and counting calories now too.

I'll probably have something more substantial to say later on. Right now I just wanna say sorry for depriving the internet of the pink-hued, anime-themed chronicles of my life on a somewhat weekly basis. I realize how good it is to keep a log of your life in at least one place, so that you'll always be able to look back on it. I should keep on doing that.

Also I need to redo my icons. 15 is hardly enough, damnit. That paid account spoiled me. TIME TO WORK OUT.
Current Mood: awakeawake
17 August 2009 @ 06:58 pm
I had a great birthday! I'm a happy person.

Scott came to visit us Friday night and we got ramen, and there was some rock-banding. Then on Saturday we went to Brooklyn to help some friends move into a new apartment. Holy crap, was it a nice apartment. I makes me really want to move into a bigger place. They also lived on the 5th floor, and there was no elevator. Still, I was able to carry stuff up and down those stairs like, 15 times or more without having to quit. It's amazing how much my body has changed! I used to be bushed after climbing five flights just -one- time. It is such a good feeling to be able to do something you never could before. A bunch of our friends were there, but we arrived first to help. Another good feeling - not being late to stuff.

After moving, we went to see Ponyo (which was an incredibly cute movie), and after that we went to an izakaya for dinner/karaoke. I'd never gone to do karaoke before, mostly because I was too nervous/cynical about it. Turns out it's a lot of fun. Though I was nerve-wracked and my voice cracked all through my own song, it was still pretty fun. Everyone else was very loose about it. We should've taken more pictures, but we got some good ones. And there was food, so I had curry rice and takoyaki, my two favorite izakaya fares. And I drank some. In fact I drank more than I ever really have before, because I knew I might not sing otherwise. >.> It wasn't much, because I know I'm a huge lightweight and I don't want to experience being drunk. I just got to the point where my face was red, my legs were weird and everything was a LOT funnier than usual. But yeah, it was such a good time.

On Sunday, my actual birthday, Scott said bye and drove back to Virginia. Thank you for visiting us, Scott! It was fun. We went out to LI to visit Mom and my family. Mom seems to be doing a little bit better, but she's still not herself. I still got to have some good time with her and my sister though. Jonathan spent most of the day in his room like usual. Elise and Natalie made me pancakes, since I'd asked them for that for my b-day, and we all ate them outside. I got calls from Sandra, Lisa, Adam, and my dad, and I got lots of Facebook messages too. I felt so loved. :D Mom told me that she and dad are banding together to get me a new laptop, which is incredible. I'll finally have a working computer at home again. T-T Natalie said she's gonna get me a bookshelf, which I've been wanting for a long time as well. She's so sweet.

At night, we went to the international buffet to get fat eat ourselves sick have dinner. Then there was cake a while later. I was kidding when I told mom to put 26 candles on, but she did it anyway. AND I BLEW THEM ALL OUT IN ONE GO WITH MY MIGHTY POWERS, JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR. Late at night we watched TV together. I was driven in to work this morning.

26 turned out to be a really awesome birthday. I have great friends and a great family, and a great fiancee. I'm so lucky. Summer's not over yet, we are FINALLY getting a heatwave instead of a coldfront, and life just feels good. Even Monday didn't really get me down. How about that?!
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
03 August 2009 @ 11:39 am
So me and Natalie couldn’t afford CTcon this year after Otakon sucked us dry, even though we really wanted to go. But we still wound up having a really good time this weekend.

We spent all of Friday night cooking sweets and getting fat. Saturday, we went to Central Park to scope out all of the best places to get married. We are seriously considering the park, since it only costs $25 to get a permit and use a certain spot for a wedding. Someone was even setting up a wedding when we stopped to look at the Cop Cot, lol.

I think we liked the Shakespeare Garden the best. It’s really pretty and should have some decent room, plus it’s right next to Belvedere Castle. The biggest problem I saw with it was that it’s paved with large cobblestones. This makes me worry about women wearing heels. Also, there is very little in the way of sitting room, so guests would have to stand through the ceremony. We’d keep it short, but I don’t want to be inconsiderate. Also, it’s a no-go if it rains. We could always default to the terrace at the end of the Mall or the Cop Cot if it rains, since those each have a roof.

We are starting to look at July/August as a realistic date. Saving for this is going to be very difficult, even at a low/practical budget because the both of us are paid so little. So give me opinions. Would it be horrible and cruel to have an outdoor ceremony in a tree-shaded area of the park on a July/August morning? Are big cobblestones a huge problem for guests in formal attire? Would making guests stand through a short ceremony in the summer also be too inconsiderate? Wedding people (or normal people), let me know.

Lots of FluffCollapse )

But yeah, maybe some pics will be up soon-ish. :)
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
22 July 2009 @ 12:19 pm
We’ve been back from Otakon for a couple days now. I’m battling post-vacation depression, so I figure I’ll go ahead and write about my good times.

ThursdayCollapse )
FridayCollapse )
SaturdayCollapse )
Whereupon I was Sexually HarassedCollapse )
SundayCollapse )

I feel a little better now just writing about it. I really hate coming back from a vacation, because the time off always seems so short and regular life seems agonizingly monotonous. I have trouble seeing it all in a positive light. I’m glad for the good time though, completely. I met and hung out with so many awesome people, and I hope to hang out some more. I got a lot of stuff, including stuff that I’d been aiming for. I got to do a great cosplay. And I still have NYAF and my birthday and other good times to look forward to.

Elise has already put up all the pics on her facebook, and I might do the same. I’m a little fatter than I’d like to be in a few pictures, so we’ll see. Can anyone recommend a good photo sharing website?

Poor MomCollapse )
So, thanks if you read that whole entry. You should all know that I do this after every trip by now. :P And if you were one of the people I saw this past weekend, thanks for being so awesome.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Zessai Bijin
08 July 2009 @ 03:13 pm
So people want to know why I hate air conditioning. I’m actually kind of surprised that I got more than one person wondering why.

And that is why I hate AC.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
07 July 2009 @ 12:02 pm
Soooo… I thought this month was going to be busy. Like, ranging from a little busy to just busy. I was wrong. Up till Otakon, it’s going to be INSANE.

We already had the 4th of July, which was so much fun. I got off from work early on Thursday, we spent Friday in Beacon and Saturday at Mom’s house, got to hang out with so many awesome people. And we got to see fireworks on both days, too. This week, we’ve got an anime meetup on Thursday, our anniversary on Friday, and Elise’s party on Saturday. Plus, we need to spend every night working on our cosplay.

But that’s not the best part. Natalie’s family is coming on Saturday night. This was extremely last minute of them, and I am calm and not freaking out. Her dad is staying home thank God, but her mom and all her sisters will be in NYC from July 11th till the 15th…. which is the freaking day before we leave for Otakon. I had this little schedule all written out of how we were going to prepare and Natalie’s family is all HELLO I AM A WRENCH IN YOUR PLANS, ONE THAT MAKES YOUR TUMMY TWIST LIKE A DISHRAG. For the time I’m not at work, I’m going to be helping Natalie play NYC tourguide and trying to show her mom that I am a decent and functional person and not the raving, kitten-eating loser she imagines me to be for some reason.

No seriously it’s not that bad. Right.

I haven’t seen any of them in years, her mother does not know we are engaged (this is intentional), and there’s a lot of accusation and animosity and talking behind my back that I need to have knowledge of while trying to play nice. That doesn’t mean I can’t play nice, it just means that I don’t think I’ll enjoy it. And holy crap I’m afraid I am going to be completely stressed out right up until the stressful task of getting all four of us on the Otakon bus, after which I can finally chill for 5 hours.

Thank God that they’re not coming before our anniversary. I’d better enjoy the time where the two of us can act like an engaged couple while I can. Natalie is very happy that they’re coming and really wants me to take this opportunity to show how cool I am, so I’m glad that this is happening for her sake. At the same time, couldn’t you guys have waited till the end of the month?! Really.

Since we were lent Revolutionary Girl Utena recently, Natalie has completely fallen in love with the show. I am also loving it much; we’re on our second time watching it before we need to return it. I wonder how as fans of ambiguous girls’ love or of anime in general we managed to pass over the series for as long as we did, but on the other hand I’m glad we’re watching it now. And oh yeah, it’s Kagami’s birthday today. Tsukasa’s too. And Tanabata. That’s it for the dork update.

I have a lot to brace myself for but a lot to look forward to. This is part of the reason why I love summer. On that note though, I’ve really been meaning to rant about air conditioning (I HATE AIR CONDITIONING), but that can wait. Hopefully the payoff for having to deal with the stress of Natalie’s family will be a totally awesome Otakon.

At least things don’t suck. And, I’m getting taken out tonight. I’m almost always the one doing the taking out, so yay. <3
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: Katou Emiri - "100% Nai Nai Nai"
02 July 2009 @ 09:54 am
A small trail of stupidity on deviantart (surprise surprise) led me to the profile of a Lucky Star fan who was very obviously a young teen the other day. She had your typical “I’m an internet spaz lol look at me” personality, quotes from the dub on her profile, and iconspam of Konata. You could easily tell that the love for the show came from “OMG KONATA IS JUST LIKE ME CUZ I LIKE ANIMU AND HAET HOMEWORK LOL”, that probably 90% of the show’s anime-related jokes likely ironically flew over her head, and that she thought this was a show for girls who like anime and the truth would put a disillusioned fracture in her delicate anime bubble.

Little Rant about Mild Homophobia goes hereCollapse )I guess this is just another reason why I stay away from DA now. Creepy as they are, I think I’d prefer the company of the moe-moe fanboys you find on the forums. At least they understand the show, and understand that the yuri in Lucky Star isn’t even a delusion of the fanbase.

Don’t mind the rant. In other news, I love my fiancée with all of my heart and I always will. She and I have felt even closer lately.
Current Mood: lovedloved